I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
