this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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