He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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