May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
