So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
