Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
