apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
