You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish you could order shots online.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Randomize
