Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she peed on how many people?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
