At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
