she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
