I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
