Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
