Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
