i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
