the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
