the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
