So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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