He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
