so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
