I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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