New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
