Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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