I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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