so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
