Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
