i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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