do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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