when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
