I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
