when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
