Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
