my vag is so smooth its legendary
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
