I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
