He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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