Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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