I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
