it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i drank out of a bidet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Randomize
