My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
