he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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