you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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