i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
