The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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