i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
