Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
