I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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