Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize