The maid of honor just puked.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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