Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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