I am in a vortex of obligation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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