dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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