I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
