OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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