He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
